My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
