Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
