I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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