great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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