I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
