We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
