apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
