So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
