1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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