im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
