Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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