it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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