its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
