He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
