Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
