His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have fence marks all over my body
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
