Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
