god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
