Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I want is dick and wine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
