im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
