I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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