ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
