Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
