how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
