I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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