my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
