Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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