On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
