Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
