i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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