you traded sex for a burrito?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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