I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
