checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
