Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
