I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
