I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
