my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
