is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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