The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
