I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont even know how to be here
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
