I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
