they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
