in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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