anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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