I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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