I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
