Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
