Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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