Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we're so committed to being not committed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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