I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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